Thursday, December 30, 2010


Sometimes its fun to just get away. The weather was perfect so Jas and I decided to take the kids on an adventure to the snow. I didn't know how Kiley would react this time. The last time we went to the snow she spent most of the trip throwing her gloves on the ground and screaming when her bare hands would hit the snow, but refusing the gloves. She defiantly has a mind of her own. I didn't want her to be miserable but luckily she was very happy this time. She was in a great mood:) The boys of course had a great time throwing snow balls and making snow angels. Jas and I had fun watching them play, they were having so much fun! The snow was so deep that we kept sinking down into it. I, of course, forgot my snow boots. So, there I was in 4 feet of snow with DC's on....I tried to put plastic bags over my shoes but that didn't do anything. My feet were frozen about 20 minutes into the trip. Thank goodness for my car heater:) I love that we have taken them to the snow the past few years, something we plan to do for years to come!!!:)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Movies and Hot Cocoa

Sometimes I like to take time to enjoy the things they like to do...we spent the morning watching Christmas movies and drinking hot cocoa. I love my kids:)

Friday, December 17, 2010

Caroling and a Conference

Tyler has been in pre-k for half the year now. It's hard to believe he is going to start kindergarten so soon! His school has a yearly tradition of caroling at the local retirement home. It was adorable watching all the kids as they bashfully stood up in front of a huge room of elderly people all staring at them as they sang their songs they had been practicing for over a month. It is such an awesome experience to watch him come home from school and start singing songs that they taught him. I love watching him learn. I had his first school conference a few weeks ago. His teacher had a lot of great things to say. He is very social and eager to learn. He is adjusting to writing and he is interested in math, reading too. I love that he loves to learn. He is getting so big and has so much to say!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Right where I want to be

I don't know where we are going with this or where we will end up because at this point I am so un-trusting of people and their true feelings...but I can't let that effect the way I feel about us because I am happy to be here in these moments spending my time with him and I wouldn't want to be anywhere with anyone else...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

So much has changed

I like to spend my time focusing on blog posts that are about the positive aspects of my life. But, there are times that things change that many people don't see a positive side to. So, without sounding like a life is changing, in a big way. Ryan and I are divorcing. Its crazy to think my children will grow up with separated parents...but its happened...
When I was 18 and I met Ryan I never expected that 7 years down the line we would end up here. In October of 2006 we had our first child together, in Sept 2008 our second...and in July 2009 we committed our lives and promised to love each other and stay faithful to one-another in front of our friends and family. But we both broke that promise and will never go back to where we were. I believed in destiny. I believed in love at first sight. I believed that no matter how bad things were on the inside of our relationship I could make it appear to anyone I wanted that we were the perfect couple, because it was easy to do when I was the only one in the relationship anyways. I am hurt for so many reasons I am hurt because I married him for all the right and honest reasons. I married him for love...I married him for life...but when I heard those words...I haven't loved her for over a year and a half...I just don't want her to take my kids...don't tell anyone...and that's not even the start of the horrible things that were said in a private conversation that I was never intended to hear. My son heard it though...loud and clear...I didn't know what to do...I wasn't myself. So, yes I did do the unthinkable...I'll admit it. But, we broke up. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I was done. So, I left. and I went out, and over a period of time I developed a relationship with someone else. I can't go back and change it, nor do I want to, because I am happy to finally be free of the emotional abuse I was subjected to on a daily basis. Trust me when I say that it makes it harder when I have done something to add to the situation so it feels like no one remembers why it happened to begin with. So, why and I throwing myself under the bus?? I just want people to know that I would have never done what I did if I knew there was a hope that the person that said they loved me was a lie and i wasted 7 years of my life. Its not in vain, I got the 2 best things in the world out of it, I just wish I would have experienced that with someone genuine, cause at the end of the day all I want it someone to unconditionally love me...and find the one who thinks I am worth coming after because he never did.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Santa Claus

Kiley wasn't having anything to do with Santa...Tyler thought it was awesome to sit on Santa's lap. Hopefully next year she won't be so scared...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Got snow

Strap in, carve, snow?:) You expect me to go down that??!! The hill felt huge...I had never been on a snowboard in my life. Heading up the lift I had no idea the amount of adrenaline I was about to experience...what a I sat at the top of the hill my only thought was the lift...I can take it back down...but no...I couldn't that wasn't allowed...So...there was only one way down the snowy mountain; which I was sure was going to be the plummet to my seemed so steep at the top of the hill. Getting down the hill wasn't the issue. It was getting down in one piece that I was concerned with. With much hesitation I stood up as best I could and the next thing I knew I was on my way down the hill...I was snowboarding:) I had help the first 4 or 5 runs and I still have a lonnnnggg way to go, obviously but I can say that I can snowboard, which is something I never expected:) Now, if I could just get off of the lift by myself I would be in good shape:)

Friday, November 5, 2010

There's only one way...

Friendship is not capable of ending...
For if it ends it is only because it never existed.
I feel like, at this point, a lot has changed in my life. While I will admit that I have made choices that people may not agree with, at the end of the day they are my choices, and it is my life. A true friend stands by you no matter what. Especially during times of uncertainty and need. At least that's what I thought, and where I have always felt I would be with the few people that I had grown close to. But it seems times have changed, people have changed...things are different. As much as I could try to be upset and try to defend myself; I know the reasons bridges have been burned...and I just wish it didn't have to happen that way. Of all the changes that have come from this...I miss my "friends." If there weren't kids involved it might not be so hard...I just wish that wasn't taken from me. I know you might be reading this let it go...but I just wish people would stop and remember why this happened to begin with and maybe they'd realize where I was coming from.I have no hard looking back, just moving on...there's only one way...otherwise it just hurts too much... I'll be okay. This won't break me. So many people have come and gone in my life...I just wanted to put it out there that I miss that aspect of who I was...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hayrides, pumpkins and apple cobbler

Last week Tyler had his first school field trip to Bishop's Pumpkin Farm in Wheatland, Ca. It was cold but at least it wasn't raining. We bundled up and headed out. I had no idea how big Bishops was! From picking their own pumpkins to cutting fresh sunflowers...there is something for everyone to do at Bishops. Even Kiley had a good time!:) We spent the day wandering around, going on a hayride out to the spot to pick out pumpkins. Then we watched the pig races with his class. Afterward we drank fresh apple cider. When the class split up we stayed and ventured around. We found an area with a corn maze, a sunflower farm and these huge slides that the kids loved! And they have a bakery:) With homemade apple cobbler:) Yum!! So glad we found a new tradition for Halloween! Can't wait to go back next year!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Kiley's Birthday Party

Kiley's birthday Party!
My daughter is 2! She had a lot of fun celebrating her birthday with family. Thank you everyone that came to celebrate with my little princess.

Monday, September 6, 2010


Wow! thats pretty much where I am at right now. I feel this world of emotion from an event that at this moment in time is no more life changing than the cup of coffee I might or might not decide to drink this morning. After all, in the scheme of life it IS JUST a birthday, no one changes is just one day...or at least thats what I keep telling myself; the excuse in my head to lighten the fact that she is turning a year older, one year closer to becoming who she will be. Yes, I know, I know...she is ONLY 2 but it feels like it was ONLY yesterday I felt her kicking me in my belly and the only vision I had of her was on a black and white monitor while I'd watch my ultrasounds...and today, at that point, a moment I knew would come all to fast, and look-here we are! I feel so silly when I feel this urge to grab her up and dance with her and put her hair in pig tails and play tea party with her! Then I remember and just smile to the thought that I better cease the moment because before too long those dances will turn to trips to the malls to shop, those pig tails will be exchanged for curling irons and straighteners and that tea party will be turned into parties with her friends. One day...way sooner than we will hope for our baby is going to grow up, and each year on their birthdays as happy as I feel it is their BIG day I can't help but be a little bit sad...its one year closer to them not needing mommy and daddy!!!

I wrote this a few days after Kiley was born

Becoming a mommy for the second time!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Saturday started out like any other day. I don't think Ryan or I thought that it would be the day we'd meet our newest precious joy...our daughter Kiley. So Ty and I got up after Ryan left for work and we watched Curious George. I had been so sick the night before and I thought I had the stomach flu. Around 10am I felt something "trickling" so I called Ryan at work. After going to the hopsital 7 times in the past month in false labor we both felt like why bother even going they will just send us home. But, I had a weird feeling and told him to come home so I could go get checked. So, around 11am we got to the hospital and they checked me. When she did my water completely broke!!! The weirdest feeling...and she said I was still 3cm but we were gonna have a baby that day!!! Ryan and I were in shock!!! She was coming. So, after they moved me to my own room I started to contract. They hurt soooo bad!!! Vinny came and got Ty. Britt came to the hospital when I was at 6cm. I got my epidural right before that. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I could still feel the contractions on my left side so the upped my dose of meds and I was sooo numb on my right side but at least I couldn't feel it on the left anymore. Aunt Teresa and Trevor showed up not long after. I went from 7 to 9 in a matter of 3 contractions. Kileys heartbeat would drop and they said that was a sign to push. The Dr. came in and all of the nursery people and respitory people. I pushed for about 15 minutes and she was out!!!So I started to contract at 12 and had her at3:04!! So quick!!!I was so overwhelmed when she started to cry and they put her on my chest that I started to cry. All I could do was look at her and I was just amazed that someone I had never seen before met so much to me already. I was realved she didn't come too much earlier cuz she only weighed 5lbs. 13 oz. 19 inches long. But her lungs are developed and her apgar was 9/9!! She fed right away. She had low blood sugar so they had to give her sugar water which Ryan fed her. Then that night our family came to meet her. On Sunday Tyler came to meet her. I was emotional then too. Tyler has been my life for the past 2 years and I was so worried about his feelings with this. But, he is doing great. We have been home for 3 days now and things are going great. Tyler is so good with her. He likes to rub her head and give her kisses. He helped Ryan feed her her bottle tonight. Today when Tyler went to get dinner with Ryan he said bye to kiley and told her he loved her. He is going to be such a good big brother. So, after what seemed like the longest wait of our lives in anticipation about what life would be like we are finally here. A family of 4. We have our son and our daughter and couldn't be happier. As for me...I just can't wait to watch them grow up together. But I wish they'd stay small forever. I am going to enjoy every minute of her being a newborn because it will pass by all too fast...and then I will want another one!!!! Ryan was telling the nurses we'd see them in a year!!! Before she came I said I didn't want anymore kids. But after looking at her and remembering this feeling of total perfection I can't help but want another...just not for a long time!!! Kiley is here!!! and now I am gonna go enjoy being with my family :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Dancing Stars # 2

A few months ago I had the pleasure of meeting with Marisha and her beautiful family. She talked about how excited she was because she was pregnant with baby number two! Fast forward several months and a few ultrasounds later and their family has been given a great gift! They are expecting a baby boy! Little Ainsley is going to be such a great little- "big sister." Congrats Marisha and Garon! I can't wait to meet your little bundle of joy! Stay tuned for newborn pics in a few months:)