Friday, February 18, 2011
How did they do it?? How did they manage to choose each other over everything? In my eyes, at this point in my life, time seems to make love fade...but in some cases its the exact opposite. Sure, there are good and bad days but there are never any days spent alone. Because they always have each other. They always choose each other...
All the years that have passed, all the memories they share. Their dedication is timeless-just like their love. And as they vowed 67 years ago...in sickness and in health he is right by her side, like always wanting to take care of his "little doll."
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Having a family is something I always expected to happen...being a mom is something I never really thought much about til I was 18. I was convinced I was going to adopt a child...because lets face it labor and strech marks didn't seem to be something I wanted to trade my belly ring and my free afternoons for. But then something changed and I decided I wanted to have my own family and my own kids. Fast Forward 7 years and I am 25 year old divorced mom of 2...not where I thought my life would go...and when I think about it...wow...that title...divorced mom of 2...kinda hit home...to my harsh reality. I failed at making a family for my kids. Not that kids can't go on...I know they will be fine but I thought I could make it different for them. I thought we could. But I can only move on and be happy with the decisions I've made. Which, I am happy...but I have my days of uncertainy like I can't do this alone...like I'm supposed to still be with him in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. This is where were we should be. We weren't good for eachother. I know that. I don't want it back I just hate feeling like there is something missing. But really there isn't anything missing that wasn't missing before...the loyality and commitment we were supposed to share ceased to exist...and so does our relationship. I just hate feeling like I failed...but when all is said and done I will be a better person because of this, for myself and my kids. At the end of the day- its me and them no matter what. This has made me realize that my kids and I are really all each other has-no matter what, people can come and go and talk all they want about keeping up their end of the situation but being their mother and the commitment I have with them is forever; and nothing can change that.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Today would have been another celebration towards another year in her life...but all I have to rememebr her by are memories and pictures now. I don't go a day without missing her and wishing she was here to watch my children grow. She wanted so much to live-and dying was so scary to her; as it was for all of us. To watch someone you love for 2 years battle with cancer for their life, knowing how scared they are is not only hard-its heart breaking. There is nothing you can do but listen and love and laugh togheter the time you do have left. When she passed I rememeber feeling relieved for her, her pain was gone, but mine had only just begun. She would cry to me about wanting to see my children grow, wanting to watch my daughter run through fields of flowers, wanting to see them live life- thats all she wanted and she had to leave us- but I know in my heart she is watching down-and grandma on this day I wish you a very happy birthday- you may not have been here to blow out your candles with us but I know you can see them and are protecting them and one day we will be together again.