Thursday, February 10, 2011

Just the 3 of us....

Having a family is something I always expected to happen...being a mom is something I never really thought much about til I was 18. I was convinced I was going to adopt a child...because lets face it labor and strech marks didn't seem to be something I wanted to trade my belly ring and my free afternoons for. But then something changed and I decided I wanted to have my own family and my own kids. Fast Forward 7 years and I am 25 year old divorced mom of 2...not where I thought my life would go...and when I think about title...divorced mom of 2...kinda hit my harsh reality. I failed at making a family for my kids. Not that kids can't go on...I know they will be fine but I thought I could make it different for them. I thought we could. But I can only move on and be happy with the decisions I've made. Which, I am happy...but I have my days of uncertainy like I can't do this I'm supposed to still be with him in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. This is where were we should be. We weren't good for eachother. I know that. I don't want it back I just hate feeling like there is something missing. But really there isn't anything missing that wasn't missing before...the loyality and commitment we were supposed to share ceased to exist...and so does our relationship. I just hate feeling like I failed...but when all is said and done I will be a better person because of this, for myself and my kids. At the end of the day- its me and them no matter what. This has made me realize that my kids and I are really all each other has-no matter what, people can come and go and talk all they want about keeping up their end of the situation but being their mother and the commitment I have with them is forever; and nothing can change that.

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