Wow! thats pretty much where I am at right now. I feel this world of emotion from an event that at this moment in time is no more life changing than the cup of coffee I might or might not decide to drink this morning. After all, in the scheme of life it IS JUST a birthday, no one changes is just one day...or at least thats what I keep telling myself; the excuse in my head to lighten the fact that she is turning a year older, one year closer to becoming who she will be. Yes, I know, I know...she is ONLY 2 but it feels like it was ONLY yesterday I felt her kicking me in my belly and the only vision I had of her was on a black and white monitor while I'd watch my ultrasounds...and today, at that point, a moment I knew would come all to fast, and look-here we are! I feel so silly when I feel this urge to grab her up and dance with her and put her hair in pig tails and play tea party with her! Then I remember and just smile to the thought that I better cease the moment because before too long those dances will turn to trips to the malls to shop, those pig tails will be exchanged for curling irons and straighteners and that tea party will be turned into parties with her friends. One day...way sooner than we will hope for our baby is going to grow up, and each year on their birthdays as happy as I feel it is their BIG day I can't help but be a little bit sad...its one year closer to them not needing mommy and daddy!!!
I wrote this a few days after Kiley was born
Becoming a mommy for the second time!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Saturday started out like any other day. I don't think Ryan or I thought that it would be the day we'd meet our newest precious joy...our daughter Kiley. So Ty and I got up after Ryan left for work and we watched Curious George. I had been so sick the night before and I thought I had the stomach flu. Around 10am I felt something "trickling" so I called Ryan at work. After going to the hopsital 7 times in the past month in false labor we both felt like why bother even going they will just send us home. But, I had a weird feeling and told him to come home so I could go get checked. So, around 11am we got to the hospital and they checked me. When she did my water completely broke!!! The weirdest feeling...and she said I was still 3cm but we were gonna have a baby that day!!! Ryan and I were in shock!!! She was coming. So, after they moved me to my own room I started to contract. They hurt soooo bad!!! Vinny came and got Ty. Britt came to the hospital when I was at 6cm. I got my epidural right before that. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I could still feel the contractions on my left side so the upped my dose of meds and I was sooo numb on my right side but at least I couldn't feel it on the left anymore. Aunt Teresa and Trevor showed up not long after. I went from 7 to 9 in a matter of 3 contractions. Kileys heartbeat would drop and they said that was a sign to push. The Dr. came in and all of the nursery people and respitory people. I pushed for about 15 minutes and she was out!!!So I started to contract at 12 and had her at3:04!! So quick!!!I was so overwhelmed when she started to cry and they put her on my chest that I started to cry. All I could do was look at her and I was just amazed that someone I had never seen before met so much to me already. I was realved she didn't come too much earlier cuz she only weighed 5lbs. 13 oz. 19 inches long. But her lungs are developed and her apgar was 9/9!! She fed right away. She had low blood sugar so they had to give her sugar water which Ryan fed her. Then that night our family came to meet her. On Sunday Tyler came to meet her. I was emotional then too. Tyler has been my life for the past 2 years and I was so worried about his feelings with this. But, he is doing great. We have been home for 3 days now and things are going great. Tyler is so good with her. He likes to rub her head and give her kisses. He helped Ryan feed her her bottle tonight. Today when Tyler went to get dinner with Ryan he said bye to kiley and told her he loved her. He is going to be such a good big brother. So, after what seemed like the longest wait of our lives in anticipation about what life would be like we are finally here. A family of 4. We have our son and our daughter and couldn't be happier. As for me...I just can't wait to watch them grow up together. But I wish they'd stay small forever. I am going to enjoy every minute of her being a newborn because it will pass by all too fast...and then I will want another one!!!! Ryan was telling the nurses we'd see them in a year!!! Before she came I said I didn't want anymore kids. But after looking at her and remembering this feeling of total perfection I can't help but want another...just not for a long time!!! Kiley is here!!! and now I am gonna go enjoy being with my family :)