Winter-wonderland

Sometimes its fun to just get away. The weather was perfect so Jas and I decided to take the kids on an adventure to the snow. I didn't know how Kiley would react this time. The last time we went to the snow she spent most of the trip throwing her gloves on the ground and screaming when her bare hands would hit the snow, but refusing the gloves. She defiantly has a mind of her own. I didn't want her to be miserable but luckily she was very happy this time. She was in a great mood:) The boys of course had a great time throwing snow balls and making snow angels. Jas and I had fun watching them play, they were having so much fun! The snow was so deep that we kept sinking down into it. I, of course, forgot my snow boots. So, there I was in 4 feet of snow with DC's on....I tried to put plastic bags over my shoes but that didn't do anything. My feet were frozen about 20 minutes into the trip. Thank goodness for my car heater:) I love that we have taken them to the snow the past few years, something we plan to do for years to come!!!:)

Christmas Movies and Hot Cocoa

Sometimes I like to take time to enjoy the things they like to do...we spent the morning watching Christmas movies and drinking hot cocoa. I love my kids:)

Caroling and a Conference

Tyler has been in pre-k for half the year now. It's hard to believe he is going to start kindergarten so soon! His school has a yearly tradition of caroling at the local retirement home. It was adorable watching all the kids as they bashfully stood up in front of a huge room of elderly people all staring at them as they sang their songs they had been practicing for over a month. It is such an awesome experience to watch him come home from school and start singing songs that they taught him. I love watching him learn. I had his first school conference a few weeks ago. His teacher had a lot of great things to say. He is very social and eager to learn. He is adjusting to writing and he is interested in math, reading too. I love that he loves to learn. He is getting so big and has so much to say!

Right where I want to be

I don't know where we are going with this or where we will end up because at this point I am so un-trusting of people and their true feelings...but I can't let that effect the way I feel about us because I am happy to be here in these moments spending my time with him and I wouldn't want to be anywhere with anyone else...

So much has changed

I like to spend my time focusing on blog posts that are about the positive aspects of my life. But, there are times that things change that many people don't see a positive side to. So, without sounding like a downer...my life is changing, in a big way. Ryan and I are divorcing. Its crazy to think my children will grow up with separated parents...but its happened...
When I was 18 and I met Ryan I never expected that 7 years down the line we would end up here. In October of 2006 we had our first child together, in Sept 2008 our second...and in July 2009 we committed our lives and promised to love each other and stay faithful to one-another in front of our friends and family. But we both broke that promise and will never go back to where we were. I believed in destiny. I believed in love at first sight. I believed that no matter how bad things were on the inside of our relationship I could make it appear to anyone I wanted that we were the perfect couple, because it was easy to do when I was the only one in the relationship anyways. I am hurt for so many reasons I am hurt because I married him for all the right and honest reasons. I married him for love...I married him for life...but when I heard those words...I haven't loved her for over a year and a half...I just don't want her to take my kids...don't tell anyone...and that's not even the start of the horrible things that were said in a private conversation that I was never intended to hear. My son heard it though...loud and clear...I didn't know what to do...I wasn't myself. So, yes I did do the unthinkable...I'll admit it. But, we broke up. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I was done. So, I left. and I went out, and over a period of time I developed a relationship with someone else. I can't go back and change it, nor do I want to, because I am happy to finally be free of the emotional abuse I was subjected to on a daily basis. Trust me when I say that it makes it harder when I have done something to add to the situation so it feels like no one remembers why it happened to begin with. So, why and I throwing myself under the bus?? I just want people to know that I would have never done what I did if I knew there was a hope that the person that said they loved me did...it was a lie and i wasted 7 years of my life. Its not in vain, I got the 2 best things in the world out of it, I just wish I would have experienced that with someone genuine, cause at the end of the day all I want it someone to unconditionally love me...and find the one who thinks I am worth coming after because he never did.

Santa Claus

Kiley wasn't having anything to do with Santa...Tyler thought it was awesome to sit on Santa's lap. Hopefully next year she won't be so scared...